jj
my love for you was born out of heartbreak.
using almost all the money I had to my name.
two hundred and fifty dollars and a drive to amish country,
changed my life in ways impossible to count.
the most significant realizations coming only after you've left.
my life has been shaped around my love for you.
there was not a decision made in the last 10.5 years that did not carry you in it.
I have a beautiful life,
and I am so grateful to you for much of what I have experienced as an adult so far,
and for what experiences come next.
what will rise from these embers?
there is no love without loss.
there is no birth without death.
there is no joy without pain.
there is no creation without destruction.
it's fitting you moved on just as it was time to put your garden to rest for the season.
making it possible for us to spread your ashes in your favorite places
before the ground freezes.
it feels like that was on purpose,
lovingly stubborn, your presence always known.
so much of your timing seems intentional.
the house is missing an energy now.
there is an empty stillness,
a freedom I was not ready for
but have no choice other than to accept it,
to be in it, to explore it.
knowing that this depth of sadness is a reflection
of the immense love that was held. is held.
carrying your memory as reminder of the capacity my heart has,
for love, for pain, and for change.
a reminder of the beauty that comes from taking chances,
opening yourself up, opening your heart up to the world
while asking for nothing in return
other than proof of, scars of, a life that was lived.
you have evolved, so we must evolve.
continuing into the unknown without you physically,
but forever imprinted on our souls.
something I continue to repeat to myself,
as my biggest fear now is forgetting the small things.
but even as the memories fade,
the impact you've made on my life, on our lives,
the ripples left by your presence will carry on through time.
I love you so much, puppy.
we see the blue jays, j.
